Why Islamic Scholars Should Support the Global Breastfeeding Movement.

Sheikh Yusuf Estes

 A man came to the Prophet Mohammad and said, ‘O Messenger of God! Who among the people is the most worthy of my good companionship? The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Your mother. The man said, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man further asked, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your mother. The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ The Prophet said: Then your father. (Bukhari, Muslim)

Religion has existed in every civilization throughout history and commonly focuses on the spiritual and social development of individuals, societies, and cultures. Religious scholars contend that religions have basic features, such as a clear set of textual statements about right and wrong, with a set of devised expectations for their followers.

Islam is the only religion, where maternal well-being and breastfeeding are covered in detail. The Quran requires that all infants are to be breastfed for the first two years of life. The Quran also holds the father responsible and requires that he support the nursing mother by providing her with food and clothing throughout the breastfeeding period. If the mother is unable to breastfeed, the father is obligated to provide another lactating woman to feed the infant on the mother’s behalf.  Together WHO, UNICEF, Holy Quran, and Sunnah clearly stress the importance of breastfeeding for the duration of two complete years. However, though most mothers in Islamic nations start breastfeeding their infants after delivery, they cease to do so quickly and introduce supplemental artificial feedings.

Sheikh Hamza Yusuf Hanson

Current statistics from the U.N. state that today Islam is the worlds second largest religion after Christianity; with an annual growth rate of around 6.40% compared to 1.46% for Christianity. According to these statistics, one in five people on the planet are Muslim. Islamic scholars are very successful in impacting individuals and sharing their knowledge that supports a healthy and vigorous community. Despite the scientific community's effort to promote, protect, and support breastfeeding, culture and religion still have a significant role, even if they don’t realize it yet. With the proper support from Islamic scholars breastfeeding rates should be on the rise as well.

Science, reported by the Lancet medical journal, has established that breastfeeding infants under two years of age, has the greatest impact on child survival rates compared to all other protective medical interventions. In addition, the Lancet reports that breastfeeding also has the potential to prevent over 800,000 deaths in children under five in the developing world where there is a high burden of disease and low access to clean water and sanitation. Despite this fact the UNICEF website reports that “only 39 per cent of children less than six months of age in the developing world are exclusively breastfed and just 58 per cent of 20-23 month olds benefit from the practice of continued breastfeeding”.

Sheikh Mufti Ismail Musa Menk

The potential impact of optimal breastfeeding practices is especially important in the developing countries. Yet non-breastfed children in industrialized countries are also at greater risk of dying despite high sanitation and medical care access in their communities. UNICEF reports a recent study of post-neonatal mortality in the United States found a 25% increase among non-breastfed infants. Similarly in the UK Millennium Cohort Survey, six months of exclusive breastfeeding was associated with a 53% decrease in hospital admissions for diarrhea and a 27% decrease in respiratory tract infections.

The Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) said: “God has forbidden for you to be undutiful to your mothers.” (Sahih AlBukhari)

It is imperative that women receive true support on all levels. Breastfeeding mothers warrant support at hospital level, at the work place, and on the social spiritual level. If scholars are preaching to make the world a better place, where else is a better place to start than at the crux of humanity where it all begins, between mother and child? It is essential for all community leaders to embrace mothers and begin with maternity protection as well as protection against the unscrupulous marketing of artificial formula milk, to name but a few measures.  

A man once consulted the Prophet Muhammad about taking part in a military campaign. The Prophet asked the man if his mother was still living. When told that she was alive, the Prophet said: “(Then) stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet.” (Al-Tirmidhi)

The WHO and Islamic text together are very adamant about the importance of breastfeeding and the need for the child to be breastfed and in close contact with the mother or milk mother for the first two years of life. So why don’t the Islamic scholars get behind this global movement and support it? 

Who said breastfeeding is a choice?

This is my opinion piece in response to online discussions about the news of Federal National Council committee adding breastfeeding clause to UAE’s Child Rights Law.

Who said breastfeeding is a choice?

Perhaps it is for the mother but it is most definitely not a choice for the baby. According to my Islamic understanding all babies are to be breastfed; the choice is whether it is from his birth mother or from another woman.

If we go back to the Quran it clearly states the desire to complete the term of breastfeeding. An in depth look at the four ayahs on childbearing and breastfeeding/weaning, we can deduce that a mother has the choice to complete the term or not, herself. The calculated term for breastfeeding is a range between twenty-one and twenty-four months, depending on the length of pregnancy.

2.233: The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if [you] desire to complete the term. But the father shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms.

Notice, it states here the desire to complete the term for two whole years, not the desire to breastfeed or not.

31.014: And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail up on travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command).

Mentioned again, weaning after two years a total of twenty-four months.

46.015: We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months.

Quran regards breastfeeding a continuation of child bearing. If a child was carried in the womb for nine months, weaning can be after twenty-one months to total a term of thirty months. If the child was carried for less than nine months it is recommended to wean after 24 months for the completion of the term if she desires to do so herself.

65.006: and if they suckle your (offspring), give them their recompense: and take mutual counsel together, according to what is just and reasonable. And if ye find yourselves in difficulties, let another woman suckle (the child) on the (mother’s) behalf.  

It is clearly stated here that if the mother chooses not to complete the term of breastfeeding, than another woman shall feed the baby. If the parents decide mutually that the mother shall not feed the baby herself, the father is responsible to provide for another woman to feed the baby on the mother’s behalf to complete the total of thirty months of child bearing and breastfeeding compiled. So, the choices that we are looking at here are the choice for the mother to feed or for a wet nurse to feed. The choices are not between breast milk and artificial milk for the baby, the choices are breast milk from the mother to complete the term or breast milk from a wet nurse to complete the term.

Breastfeeding is so much more than simply placing a baby on a mother’s breast to feed for nutrients. The method in which a baby is nourished in the first two years of life has an impact on health, emotional development, and the general wellbeing for a lifetime. As a whole, a given health care system should be the ultimate source of information and support for mothers in order to sustain these infant rights to proper feeding, nourishment, and development. Positive changes towards the practice of breastfeeding in maternity facilities and hospital environments imposed by governments are necessary for any major improvement in society related to breastfeeding and mothering practices. And if countries in the Middle East feel that it is pertinent to impose laws to protect these infant rights than so be it. Infant breastfeeding is essential for the benefits it provides to the child, and it should be focused on and considered an important aspect of disease prevention and economic stability by any country. In my humble opinion we are not talking about women’s rights, we are talking about infant rights. It is very clearly stated in the Quran that an infant shall be fed breast milk be it by the birth mother or another mother for a complete term of up to two years.

The only time feeding naturally for an infant became a choice was with the introduction of artificial milk by artificial milk industries and the misinterpretation of Quran and science. I personally don’t think it is fair to impose on an infant anything artificial. It is well documented that breastfed infants are protected from ailments including diarrhea, respiratory infections, otitis media, asthma, and many others. Additionally, WHO/UNICEF estimates annual deaths of 1.5 million infants worldwide because they are subjected to diseases related to not being breastfed.

If I gave you the choice to eat an artificial apple or a natural apple, which would you choose? I suppose you would choose the natural one, because the artificial one is made of an assortment of chemicals, preservatives, and sugar. So, why would you give your newborn child artificial milk? It is made of an assortment of chemicals, preservatives, sugar, and adjusted cow milk or soymilk proteins.

How would we feed our infants if for some reason the world faced an economic crisis that shut down all artificial milk factories? How would women know how to breastfeed if we don’t keep the art of breastfeeding alive? How would our daughters learn how to breastfeed if we don’t role model for them? Do we have to wait for war, death, and disease before we realize the value of keeping the art of breastfeeding alive and protected?

© all rights reserved by Modia Batterjee

Revised Adoption Article Published in Green Prophet

Please visit this link to read my revised version of the adoption article that was published in Green Prophet, an online Newspaper for the Middle East
http://www.greenprophet.com/2013/04/breastfeeding-islam-adoption/#comment-122524

Adoptive Breastfeeding for Muslim Families

The issue of adoption in Islam is controversial. From my understanding, it is not recommended by Islamic teachings to adopt a child and give him or her a different name from the one given by the biological parents or family. However, there are many children who are brought into this world with unknown parents for many reasons that make it quite difficult to attribute a child to a specific family. Under Islamic law, many children are brought into a family as foster children and given a random name. The children are reared and cared for as family members in childhood, but not given any rights of biological relations or inheritance as an adult. The absence of these rights maintains the privileges of potential marriage within the family and independence from the family in adulthood.

There is one exception to the rule, which is breastfeeding. Breastfeeding an infant or child under the age of two years can improve the child’s adoptive situation because breastfeeding gives the child the rights of birth. The Holy Quran clearly states “Let another woman suckle (the child) on the (mother’s) behalf” (65:6), and the Hadith by Aisha (blessing of Allah upon her) says, “Breastfeeding denies what is denied by birth.” These statements support the notion that other than the birth mother, any lactating woman can be the milk mother of a child and give that child the same birthrights as her own. It is agreed that in order for her to accomplish this she must feed an infant three to five satisfying feeds. A satisfying feed is approximated at around 50 ml of expressed breast milk; as soon as she has completed these three to five feeds, she is considered a milk-mother and has rights to the child just as much as his biological mother. This means the child will be a child to her husband, a sibling to her children, and a relative to all extended family members.

Any woman can breastfeed, whether she has recently delivered a baby or not. It is biologically possible for a woman to lactate or relactate, regardless of her childbearing status. I have experienced this possibility with several adoptive mothers. Some of these mothers were women who had been married for many years and had never conceived a child. Lactation and milk expression took approximately two weeks. To encourage lactation, the mothers began by orally taking 60 mg of Domperidone a day and several cups of brewed Fenugreek while pumping and stimulating their breasts every two to four hours. During the first week, small beads of milk could be seen coming out of the breast; by the end of two weeks, the mothers were able to express 250 ml of breast milk, fulfilling the need for the five feeds to make the children their own. In some instances, as soon as the child was fed the full 250 ml, the mother ceased the medication and stopped pumping as the milk diminished naturally.

Adoptive breastfeeding is a beautiful option for couples who want a child and for a child who needs loving parents. Adoptive breastfeeding is a tool that can be used to improve lives. It forces the biological relationship to be primary to rearing an adopted infant. Through breastfeeding, nature has given women a means to give life, improve circumstances, and correct social problems.

TopKapi

I found in my self the love of the ancient times. When I walked through the gates I knew I liked this place. The intensity of history hovering like a cloud over its courtyards felt strong. It was cold but attractive. Build in 1459, by Sultan Mehmed II Topkapi Palace was the primary residence the Sultans of the Ottman Empire for 400 years. It is a large palace located in Istanbul, Turkey. 

Everything was exhibited; bedrooms, sitting rooms, offices, and hammams (bathing rooms) were displayed for the present to meet the past. It was quiet but I could feel the energy of those who lived here many centuries ago. The sense of walking through hallways, bedrooms, and offices of people who lived many years ago was nostalgic. I could feel them, hear their words whispering from echoes in the past. It has been a home to as many as 4000 people at one time. The tour guide explained and brought only a fraction of their lives to our imaginations with concrete facts. In addition to it being a royal residence it was also used for royal entertainment and state occasions. This major tourist attraction holds important holy Muslim relics that include Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) cloak and several swords. This beautiful palace is made up of four main courtyards and many smaller buildings that include a mosque, hospital, bakeries, and a mint. The name Topkapi translates as “Cannon gate Palace” in reference to a close by gate that has since been destroyed.

Write your name

Part a)

My name is Modia Batterjee. Modia my first name pronounced "mo/dee/ya"; I don't know what it means. My mom named me after her grandmother Modia Jewels Cunningham; she was an American from Kentucky; a descendent of William Cunningham of Scotland. Saudi people call me "modi" (mu/dhee) because modia is not an Arabic name. Modi is a very Bedouin name that means the shimmer of the blade of a sharp sword.  My last name is a Saudi name from Hijaz with an unknown origin, however many Indian people I meet tell me it's a typical Indian name. In Arabic the root word of Batterjee, "batter" means amputation. And the entire word together means "he who amputates". My nick name is "mo-dee, Mod, mobi, mox, Snow White, or dingbat". Nobody else has my name besides my great grandmother.

Part b)

Modia is a pretty name, it has a sweet sound to it. I like my name Modia. But unfortunately people don't use it. I don't like Mu-dhee because its beduin and I'm not beduin. It messes me up inside when people call me Mu-dhee and then gasp with surprise when they see me and they say that I don't match my name. It's too heavy, old, and traditional. Women with my name are beduin grandmothers and deep voiced women. I've tried to change my name but I can't imagine another one for me. Modia feels right, Mu-dhee doesn't but the culture forces me to have it. I need therapy. My mom gets mad at me when I discuss the issue.

Part c)

When I search my name on the Internet I either get companies named MODIA, or Modia Bulter who is the Chief of Staff to Mayor of Newark, a man of African decent (I wonder how he pronounces it?), or I get myself. How annoying is that? There is just not that many people out there. If I search Modia Jewels Cunningham I find her (my great grandmother) and her entire family tree. That is exciting. At one point a few years ago I did search her and I found family members whom I still keep in touch with today on Facebook. Through these members we were able to fill in the missing parts on the family tree that included all Modia Jewels’ decedents. I’m sure she would be intrigued to know that her linage has extended to the Middle East. 

Part d)

I like Modia, I like Jewels, and I wish my name was Modia Jewels, but that wouldn’t work here, it’s not an Arabic name. I wish I could just be called Modia. I think I love jewelry because I love her name; I like how Jewels sounds and feels when I say it. Modia Jewels, how pretty is that? I told my husband that my fortieth birthday gift to myself would be to change my name. He asked me the tough question, “what would you name yourself?” Honestly, I have no idea.

I find myself attracted to fine things like lace, roses and teacups; do you think that has to do with the little Scottish blood I have? I think so, there has to be some kind of genetic effect even if is just your taste, likes and dislikes. It is very interesting to look within and find ancestral characteristics of people you have not ever met. I wonder if Modia Jewels would like me? She doesn’t know I exist, or does she? She died giving birth to her third child sometime in the twenties, they named her baby girl “jewels”, just jewels. Jewels died with her mama. That we found out recently from our new relatives. Isn’t that interesting?  My grandmother never knew she had a baby sister and she never knew why her mama died. They told her that she died of a broken heart because their father died a few months before his pregnant wife.

I don’t like the name Mudhee (that’s how it is pronounced in Arabic), although it has a sexy meaning. It makes me feel sad and gives my heart a heavy feeling of rejection. Why is that? Is it because I don’t relate to the Bedouin culture? Or is it because of the reaction I get when people ask me my name. They react with a shocked look and say something like this “what? Your name is Mudhee? That’s old and very Bedouin! You don’t look like a Mudhee. I imagined you to be a big fat old lady with a deep voice”. I smile and that feeling casts itself over me like a cloud. 

Happy BIRTH day MOM!

 

Today is a special day! It is my birthday ...however it is my mom's achievement. I would like to extend a special thank you to my mom! You did it! You survived labor and brought life into this world. Thank you for giving me 39 years of life, unconditional love, support, and a warm home with a father, siblings, pets, horse-riding, art and music lessons, an education, and much much more. I love you. And happy BIRTH day to you!!!!!!!!!

The Truth about ASPARTAME!

The information below was taken from a presentation by Suheir Khalil, Clinical Dietitician

This article is meant to put your mind at ease about the notorious artificial sweetener Aspartame. I have discussed this substance with health professionals and come to the following conclusions based on scientific facts. I will begin with the definition of Artificial Sweeteners; these are synthetic sugar substitutes derived from naturally occurring substances, including corn, herbs, or sugar. Artificial sweeteners are also known as intense sweeteners because they are many times sweeter than regular sugar. Artificial sweeteners were designed to be a lower calorie alternative to sugar. These substitutes mimic the flavor of sugar but with virtually no caloric energy.

Well-known artificial sweeteners are Aspartame and Saccharine; these low-calorie sweeteners are used to sweeten a variety of low- and reduced-calorie foods and beverages such as diet sodas, chewing gum, powdered soft drinks, candies, gelatins, dessert mixes, puddings and fillings, frozen desserts and yogurt. These include low-calorie tabletop sweeteners such as Tropicana Slim, Sweet n Low, and Equal. Artificial sweeteners are approximately 200 times sweeter than sugar; they taste like sugar, can enhance fruit flavors, save calories and do not contribute to tooth decay.

Believe it or not products sweetened with Aspartame can be useful as part of a healthful diet. Aspartame is composed of amino acids, aspartic acid, phenylalanine, and methyl ester. Amino acids are the building blocks of all proteins. Aspartic acid and phenylalanine are found naturally in protein containing foods, including meats, grains and dairy products. Methyl esters are also found naturally in many foods such as fruits and vegetable and their juices.

The safety of Aspartame has been the subject of several political and medical controversies; there have been Congressional hearings and Internet deceptive claims since its initial approval for use in food products by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in 1974. These accusations vary from causing hyperactivity in children to causing diseases such as cancer, Parkinson’s, and Alzheimer’s. A 2007 medical review on the subject concluded that due to the weight of existing scientific evidence that indicates that Aspartame is safe at current levels of consumption it is considered a healthy and acceptable non-nutritive sweetener. Aspartame is safe, however only for those who suffer from the genetic condition phenylketonuria (PKU) must avoid it, because its metabolic breakdown produces phenylalanine, which increases the severity of their rare disease.

Over the years many research studies have been conducted to test a number of health effects of varying levels of aspartame; these included ingestion of large amounts that far exceed the acceptable daily intake, on animals and humans. In addition to healthy adults and children, studies also looked at effects on adults and children with diabetes, hyperactive and sugar-sensitive children, and people with Parkinson's disease and depression.

The Expert Panel's evaluation concluded the following:

·      Allegations spread via the Internet and the media by a few individuals that aspartame may be associated with a myriad of ailments are not based on science. These have come to be called “urban myths.”

·      Aspartame does not cause cancer according to the American Cancer Society, the FDA and the National Cancer Institute.

·      There was no increase in brain tumors or any other type of cancer during research.

·      When aspartame is digested, the body breaks it down into its components, aspartic acid, phenylalanine and methanol, which are consumed in much greater amounts in common foods, such as milk, meat, dried beans, fruits and vegetables.

·      The body handles the components from aspartame in the same way it handles them when derived from other foods.

·      Aspartame does not enter the bloodstream and therefore cannot travel to essential organs including the brain. Thus, there is no physiological reason why aspartame could cause cancer.

Rest assured Aspartame is not dangerous to consume. It has been tested for more than three decades, in more than 200 studies, with the same result: Aspartame is safe for use. In fact, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) Commissioner noted, "Few compounds have withstood such detailed testing and repeated close scrutiny, and the process through which aspartame has gone should provide the public with additional confidence of its safety."

The Power Struggle (part-six)

Fahad sat up in bed; he couldn’t stop hearing the screams of his son over and over in his head. “I have to bring them home. It has been three weeks and I have no role in my son’s life. Maybe if I held him I could keep him quiet. I’m his father; he is my son. I’ll bring them home with me tomorrow after work. It has been too long. How do other couples do it? I swear that with the next baby, I am forcing Sarah to stay home with me,” he said to himself.

Morning came quickly, but Sarah could not open her eyes when she heard her son screaming again the same way he did during the night. Norah rushed in. “What? What is going on? Poor, poor boy, have you been screaming all night?” Norah picked the baby up out of his crib and carried him out the door. “You stay with me,” Norah whispered to the screaming baby, “let your mother sleep,” and she closed the bedroom door. Sarah was relieved to be alone and left to sleep. She closed her eyes and felt her breasts throb with milk. The pressure eased as the milk dripped into the breast pads and she fell fast asleep.
Sarah awoke that afternoon with unbearable pressure in her breasts; the pain was excruciating. The skin of her breasts was tight and red. She walked into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. Oh my God! I can’t bear the pain. “Mama!!” Sarah’s screams echoed down the halls.
Sarah and her mother spent the rest of the day applying hot compresses to the breasts in an attempt to relieve her pain. Norah’s recommendation to Sarah was to rest her breasts and not give Abdulrahman any feeds directly from the breast, because her milk was now too much and may be infected. Sarah was relieved by her mother’s advice for two reasons. First, it was validated by her mother that now she had too much milk, second, she could not bear the pain and pressure in her breast and was happy not breastfeed the baby. That afternoon, Abdulrahman was bottle fed all the breast-milk that Sarah was able to express with an electric pump in an attempt to lessen the abundant milk supply. However, without Sarah and Norah’s knowledge, the hot compresses and pumping kept the blood flowing and increased the swelling of the breast and the production of milk, causing no relief for the pain. Sarah cried.

In the evening, Fahad came over to pick up Sarah and Abdulrahman to visit the pediatrician to discover the reason behind the baby’s crying fits. Norah was reluctant to let Sarah go, but she did not want to fight with Fahad, as he seemed very determined to take them.
Sarah’s breasts hurt as she watched the pediatrician check Abdulrahman. The baby screamed, which made her breasts fill up with milk and throb; her breasts were so engorged that they no longer dripped as they did before. This made Norah believe that Sarah’s breasts were infected with mastitis. Sara asked the pediatrician, “Why is he screaming like that? He screamed for hours last night, and I didn’t know what to do.”
The doctor spoke with great confidence. “Maybe your milk is not satisfying him enough. He may need more than you can provide.” His words did not go down well with Sarah, because she knew in her heart that she had plenty of milk, and the evidence was that her milk had been leaking through her clothes. She dared not explain to the doctor what was happening with her body, as it would be too embarrassing to describe to him her breasts and how they were full with milk. “I think you should try giving him a lactose-free artificial milk formula. This is a new kind that might ease his suffering,” the pediatrician recommended. Sarah smiled politely and packed up her baby and his diaper bag. She and Fahad thanked the doctor and left the clinic.

In the car, Sarah cried. As soon as Fahad asked her why she was crying, she began to sob. Her feelings of fear, frustration, and confusion were out of control. “I don’t understand why everybody thinks I don’t have milk, or don’t have enough milk, or that my milk might be the reason that Abdulrahman is crying. I want to be a good mother, but my mother always makes me feel like I don’t know enough. I know that she has good intentions, but her statements are strong. I feel like she knows more than I do, which is true. I don’t understand why Allah would create a mother’s body to make milk, but then gives her a baby that cries all the time and is harmed by that exact milk! How can this be?”
“Sarah, my dear, don’t be upset. Relax. Please don’t cry. It is just a matter of time and you will be in our home and together we can do what is best for Abdulrahman. Just relax, and do what you think is best for the baby now. Listen to your mom, because she has experience, and breastfeed him every time that you can. If he cries and shows that he is still hungry after you breastfeed him, give him the bottle of the lactose- free milk. That way you are pleasing everyone—your mother, Allah, the doctor, and Abdulrahman.” Fahad realized the pressure that Sarah was under, and he felt that he needed to give her culturally appropriate advice that would not confuse her further or cause any more distress. Sarah smiled and her shoulders dropped as she stared at her beautiful baby sleeping in her arms. It is not customary for families to use car seats for children and infants in Saudi Arabia.

Sarah and Fahad felt comfortable with their decision. It is typical for a young couple to try to please everybody in their social circle. Day by day, Sarah’s frustration with her mother subsided, especially when she moved back to her home with Fahad. However, she still struggled with breastfeeding Abdulrahman. The only times she could breastfeed him without a screaming session was when he was asleep. On good nights, the baby suckled gently at her breast as if he was soothing himself on a pacifier. This was okay with Sarah because she felt that she was doing her best and she was feeding him despite her severe reduction in milk supply.
Sarah shared with her friends that she was still breastfeeding him at two months. Many smiled in disbelief and others scorned her about breast milk not being nutritious or satisfying enough for a two-month-old baby boy. She heard comments like, “Poor boy, he will not be full if you only breastfeed. I hope you are giving at least one feed a day of formula,” “When you breastfeed you are tied down, and the baby does not sleep well at night,” “How can you breastfeed? Your breasts are so small, I’m sure you don’t have enough.” These comments hurt Sarah, but confirmed what her mother had been telling her all along. Everybody was saying the same thing, so it must be true. Sarah breastfed Abdulrahman as much as she could, but by the age of four months, he went on a breast refusal strike and weaned himself.
Two months later, it was seven o’clock in the morning and Sarah hadn’t slept yet. She was rocking

Abdulrahman as he lay in her lap half-awake. Fahad was at a loss and did not know what to do to help; this was the fourth time that his now six-month-old son had suffered from an ear infection in just a few weeks. “His temperature won’t go down” Sarah said to Fahad with a weak and tired whisper. “As long as we are giving him the medications there is nothing we can do,” Fahad responded to her quietly. The pediatrician’s voice repeated over and over in Fahad’s head. He could hear him explain that their son could suffer from chronic otitis media (ear infections) if they were not careful, and that would mean surgery to insert tubes in the eardrums to protect any potential hearing loss in the future. The doctor’s voice was interrupted by a piercing wail coming from Abdulrahman. Fahad jumped and ran over to his baby and tried to calm him down, he continued to ask, “what can I give you to help?”

All parents strive to provide for their children the best opportunities for health, education, and wealth. 


However, some parents may not realize how valuable and influential the practice of effective breastfeeding is on a child’s wellbeing. Unfortunately, in the Middle East breastfeeding is not cherished as an investment that deserves the time and attention. The short story demonstrates how breastfeeding is recommended in a Saudi community but it is not supported. In most cases even if a mother and father have every intention to breastfeed their child the surrounding environment does not support it therefore forcing it to fail. 

The Power Struggle (part-five)

The struggles went on. Three weeks after delivery, Sarah continued to struggle with breastfeeding baby Abdulrahman. Norah continued to struggle with Sarah over motherhood. And Fahad continued to struggle with the loneliness that fatherhood brought him. 

Abdulrahman needed to be on a sleep and feed schedule that all babies were customarily put on as newborns. According to his grandmother Norah, “This feed and sleep on demand jargon is not acceptable!” Norah was training Sarah well for motherhood, according to her own experience. She felt that she had the experience and she knew well that carrying and holding the baby too much would only cause him to be spoiled and more demanding. Norah’s role was not unusual. In the Middle East, grandmothers usually take their daughters in and train them on how to feed and care for their new babies. Some believe that these women live vi- cariously through their daughters during this time. “My dear daughter, you already fed him, why is he crying again,” Norah asked Sarah as she walked into the guest bedroom where Sarah and her baby had been staying for the past three weeks. Sarah was carrying a screaming Abdulrahman over her shoulder as tears ran down her face. “I don’t know Mama, I just breastfed him and now he’s screaming again. Do you think he wants the bottle and not my breast? When I was feeding him, he was biting me and it hurt so badly but I forced him and I tolerated the pain, just like you told me to do.” 

“Sarah?” Norah questioned, “What if you don’t have enough milk. Maybe your breasts are too small to feed a healthy boy. Do you think maybe you are just like me and my sisters? We never had enough milk. Poor thing, I was hoping you would end up like your father’s sisters and breastfeed for two years.”
Sarah felt the cloud of misery settle itself heavily over her head. Norah based much of her advice on personal opinions and what she heard other women talk about in the community. It is not unusual for an Arab mother to impose her personal beliefs on her daughter without any proper training or scientific knowledge. These statements are common and are meant as insinuations to influence the daughter’s own beliefs and thoughts about herself. “Mama, I have milk! Look! It is dripping down my clothes. My breasts are not that small, but when he is breastfeeding, he cries. The book says that you can’t give a bottle if you want to breastfeed, because the baby might get nipple confusion. Maybe he has nipple confusion.” Sarah didn’t know enough to decide whether or not Abdulrahman was suffering from nipple confusion, although her intuition was correct.
“Sarah, please! Don’t believe everything you read. He’s only a baby, what does he know? How can he be confused? He doesn’t even think. He knows that your breasts are no good and that is why he cries. Maybe your milk is salty, or too light, or it hurts his tummy. Here, let me have him, I prepared his bottle about an hour ago, the milk is not bad yet.”

Many Arab families believe that babies don’t have feelings or thoughts and that they are trainable and become accustomed to what the mother enforces on them. Families in the Middle East and similar cultures often blame the mother’s milk for the failure of breastfeeding, and it is common to claim that a woman’s milk is light, salty, or causes vomiting.


Norah grabbed Abdulrahman once again, settled with him on the bed, and gently placed the plastic nipple dripping with artificial formula milk into his mouth. The baby sucked and sucked, as he learned to do in the hospital nursery, until his little tummy was full and he calmly fell asleep. Sarah sat in the armchair across the room and wept; she held her full breasts with both hands and watched her milk stream down her skin, soaking her nightgown for another night. Sarah’s instinct told her that she had to breastfeed, but her ignorance did not allow her. The maternal hormones flowed through Sarah’s blood as she watched her baby sleep in his grandmother’s arm. She had the urge to grab him away and run home with him, but the traditional role of respect and honor for her mother controlled her and forced her to keep quiet and give in to sadness and what was called the baby blues.
It was a few minutes past midnight, and Sarah woke up to a screaming baby. He screamed so loud and forcefully that she felt hysteria taking over her mind. Sarah held Abdulrahman in her arms and bounced him gently to calm him down, but the screaming went on. She sat down and gently pressed his mouth against her breast, but the screaming continued. Her milk flowed, but he turned his face and screamed. He tight- ened his tiny body and his face turned blue. She stood up and threw him over her shoulder to help relieve him of a burp or gas trapped in his tiny tummy, but the screaming continued. He screamed and screamed until the small tears flowed out of his eyes as he cried with pain. One hour later, Sarah could no longer tolerate the screaming. She asked herself, “Should I give him medication? I heard my friends talking about a medi- cation to calm the baby down. What was it? Where do I get it from? I can’t. I can’t do this anymore.” Sarah picked up the phone and called Fahad. “Fahad, my love, I’m sorry to call you so late in the night, are you sleeping?”

“Sarah?” Fahad was startled. “What’s wrong? Why is he screaming like that?”
“Wallah (in God’s name), I don’t know, he’s been screaming for over an hour now! And I’m worried, I don’t know why.”
“Where is your mother? Wake her up!”
“I can’t. Poor thing, she has been taking care of him all day. I want her to rest. Anyway, she will prob- ably just give him a bottle. I feel like she doesn’t want me to breastfeed, but I feel bad about thinking that way. Of course, she wants the best for me. Maybe I am just like her and her sisters and I don’t have enough milk, but Fahad, wallah, the milk is pouring out onto my clothes.”
“Sarah, leave the breastfeeding now; try to make him stop screaming. How can you stand it? I’m not there and it is driving me crazy!”
“I can’t, I’ve tried everything. Can you come over and take him to the doctor with me?”
“Now? It is two o’clock in the morning! There is no doctor clinic open now; we will have to take him to the emergency room.”

“No, no, khalas (it’s ok), I’ll try to give him a bottle of yansoon, maybe it will settle his tummy. I miss you.” “Me too; I’ll come over after work. Bye.” Yansoon is an herbal tea made up of anise seeds and caraway seeds boiled in water with natural sugar to sweeten it; the drink is used to relieve colic in babies.
Sarah looked at her screaming baby, his little face looked so stressed and miserable. She reached for the prepared bottle of herbal tea, a concoction of yansoon, caraway, and sugar. It was cold, so she placed it in the bottle warmer for a few minutes to make it warm. Abdulrahman gulped the warm tea down and continued to whine as he fell asleep. Sarah felt alone. It was a weird feeling of relief and sadness; her life had been changed forever. She had been looking forward to motherhood, but now she realized that it was not fun; it was exhausting, confusing, and scary. Now that Abdulrahman was quiet, Sarah changed his diaper and gave him his midnight feed. She offered her breast and he suckled happily while his mother held him, enduring the pain. Suddenly the world seemed bright, and happiness filled both their hearts.

Sarah did not realize that the artificial formula milk was causing her baby to suffer from gas and hard stool. She also did not know that the more she fed him from a bottle with an artificial teat, the more he would suffer from nipple confusion, the more she would suffer from cracked nipples, and the more likely he would be to reject her breast. Norah did not know that telling Sarah to feed her baby from the breast less frequently would mean Sarah would have less milk.